As you know, Josh and I broke up, but being newly single isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Considering this was my first proper relationship, obviously I had never experienced a break up before. It’s been a strange journey, especially it was a long time coming I guess. I’m writing the introduction of this post last. I’ve had to have this post proofread by Marty so it was perfect. First things first. I’m not here to bad mouth anyone in any way. I just need to give some background because date night ideas and travel ambitions were all around my relationship. Plus, like I’ve mentioned before, I use my blog as a little diary. I like to share certain aspects of my life with my lovely readers.
Not Like The Movies
Let’s get one thing straight – breaking up with someone in your early-20’s is NOT like the movies. I thought it would be like when Bridget Jones sits on her sofa, with her two best mates Ben and Jerry, watching crap rom coms. In fact, it’s the opposite. I was really upset about everything – the way it was handled, the aftermath and how it’s affected our friendship group. I’m not going to lie, I burst into tears. Nearly two years had ended by text after not speaking for the best part of a month. Even though I saw it coming, I was gutted. Being newly single during a pandemic isn’t the best. Especially since I couldn’t go and see friends or family.
Wallowing? What’s that?
I didn’t do the typical wallowing stage as I convinced myself to just continue as normal as honestly, it had felt like I had been newly single for a while before it was official. It would get really awkward when people would ask how we were and I really didn’t know. I guess I’m glad I finally have an answer now, ha! Even though we both agreed to go back to being friends, that hasn’t really happened which is normal. It’s going to be a while until we can go back to the way we were before we were together.
Plus a worldwide pandemic doesn’t really help either. I think the first time we’ll see each other face to face again will be trés awks. Especially with the way everything finished. Again, I don’t think I’ll have that movie moment of being stick thin with changed hair. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being in a relationship – it’s just a tad rubbish once it’s all ended.
Telling Family and Friends
Telling the boys (as I like to call Will and Jake) wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be as they kind of already guessed. I had been on multiple gin dates with the one and only Marty, like I mentioned in my uni post, and we’d talked about everything happening. It was brill to just get everything I was feeling off my chest to someone who gets me and has a logical response too. Everyone was really supportive which I am so grateful for.
I remember ringing Grandma and immediately getting upset telling her that it would just be me from now on. I love my Grandma to pieces and she knew how to distract me from crying by getting me to tell her about work stories from the Karen’s and Richard’s of the world, ha! This pandemic has been really hard for us all but especially for us Darby’s as there is already five people in my grandparents household so it’s been difficult as we can’t go and see them.
Focusing on Myself
For the past month and a bit, I’ve been putting myself first and it’s been great. I feel miles more confident at work and even with my blog too. Before I was a bit nervous to share my blog on another platform other than Twitter, but since I’ve started sharing it on my personal Facebook it’s been a real confidence boost when friends react the post! I have a Facebook page for my blog too where I post updates so please feel free to like that too, it’s linked here!
I mentioned before the break up has affected our little friendship group. We haven’t really spoke as a group since the first lockdown. I think the last time we all went out as a group was for Will’s birthday in August. Hopefully things will go back to a somewhat ‘normal’ for us four. I talk to Will and Jake everyday, even if it’s just a simple ‘have a good day’ or ‘guess what I did that’s typical Niamh’, ha!
During lockdown 2.0, I’ve been going out for short walks a lot more. It’s brill to just pop my fave playlist on and go for a stroll. It’s also good for clearing my head too. Recently I’ve been planning Christmas presents for family members, some are already finished. Others I haven’t a clue where to start, oops! If you have any good podcast or playlist recommendations, feel free to comment them below!
Here’s to a fresh start.
P.S: Just a little extra thank you to those who aren’t named in this post but have helped me these past few months. You are LEGENDS and I love you very much.