How To Avoid Red Flags on Dating Apps

Niamh Darby in a polka dot jumpsuit

Yep I’m talking about dating apps again.

At the time of writing this post, I have been single for seven months. I’m not going to lie – it’s been great. I’ve mentioned in previous posts I’m focusing on myself a lot more, even friends and family are noticing that. I don’t need to worry about another person, just me. That’s the best way to rebuild yourself, focusing on what you missed while you were in a relationship. For me, it was spending time with close friends and even my parents. Most nights I’d be out for food or drinks for ‘date nights’ but by the time I’d get back in, the parents would be asleep. Missing friends was horrible. I’d blow off plans with friends which is a big no-no. Being independent again means I can do what I want when I want and it’s mint. Drinks after work with Alice and Chris? Yes please. Covid safe of course.

My Grandma has always told me if it’s meant to be, it will be. I just haven’t found the right person yet, but they will come along one day. Using dating apps during lockdown has kind of helped take the awkwardness away if we actually do meet up. I haven’t met up with anyone yet because I’ve not felt like it and I don’t know if you’ve heard, there’s a worldwide pandemic going on. However, I have come across a few weirdos on there. Here’s some red flags to look out for when using these types of apps.

Having a “joke” workplace or education

I know when we first joined Facebook we thought it was class when we put our workplace as “Patty Maker at Krusty Krab”, but when you’re a 20-something on Tinder looking for someone to date, don’t expect to be taken seriously. Sorry gals, guys and non-binary pals but it’s true. Well for me anyway. I don’t know if you can tell but I am a people person and I love to talk a lot. My manager at work told me I can talk a lot but in a good way…I hope. I just want people to feel comfortable around me, if you don’t want to talk and just want to listen to me ramble on about what blog I’m posting next or what happened with a crazy customer last week, I’m your gal.

When I meet someone new, be it a friend or even on dating app, I want to know what degree you have, why did you choose it and what you did your dissertation on. Learning about people is my favourite thing and I mean that in the least creepiest way possible, ha. It gives me chance to know the person a bit better than anyone else. I take note of small throwaway comments from people and use it to inspire me for birthday or Christmas presents. For example, I love sunflowers. When I was younger, during the six week summer hols, I would grow one with my grandparents and we’d see how tall it grows. I try and sneak sunflowers on to my clothes and even my work lanyard so I literally carry that memory around with me everywhere. I would love it if someone bought me something which resembles that memory, I would think they are a friend for life.

Wait, you’ve found my Instagram…ALREADY?

I understand some dating apps let you link your Instagram account to your profile so you can grab your best selfies and group photos easily, but please don’t follow us straight away. Or even message us on Instagram saying “oh we’ve just matched on such and such, thought it would be cool to talk on here instead”. No, it is not ‘cool’. At least have the decency to ask for our handles or wait for an appropriate time after talking for a while. Plus it’s weird and obvious you’ve been stalking to find us. I know we all do it, but stay away from that follow button fellas. Just for now.

“I don’t come on here much, add my Snapchat”. Yes, I have Snapchat. I only use it these days to send streaks or to message Marty. It’s one of my private social medias and I would like to keep it that way. I don’t want to be adding random people who I will most likely be ghosted by in two days, or asking for photos they shouldn’t. That annoys me, and I’m sure many other women, when men ask for those photos because of we’re not going to send you them. Go away. Don’t be so rude and gross. In all honest, I could delete Snapchat. I don’t use it as much as I used to. It’s good to catch up with friends you haven’t seen in a while, like my uni class, but that’s about it.

No bio AND one-worded answers, no thank you.

You are on an app to potentially meet someone you might spend a lot of time with. Make a bloody effort mate. Also what is with people not having or putting a black photo for their profile? The whole point of dating apps is to see who you’re going to hopefully meet up with. It makes no sense to me, but it might to others. Someone will find you attractive. There’s someone out there for everyone, fate will just decide when your time is right. That’s the attitude I’m taking, hence why I’m just seeing what happens on these apps or even at work. You never know who you’re going to come across.

One worded answers are also just lazy. You’ve come on the app for a reason so why not make a decent effort? You want to suss out some people before asking them on a date so you know if you’re going to be engaged in conversation all night or using a codeword in the group chat so a friend can come to your rescue, ha! That’s actually one of my top tips, once i start getting back out on the dating scene, I have a codeword so Alice or Chris can ring me and come to save me if I’m not feeling it or if they turn out to be a mega weirdo. You just never know when you need precautions like this!

With love,

Niamh

Xxx

4 Comments

  1. 28/05/2021 / 21:33

    I love this post! It’s so interesting to read about other people’s online dating experiences, and I definitely found a range of people online. Adding on Instagram without first asking is a no-no for me, and I think it’s important to act online as you would in person- unfortunately people sometimes forget their social skills when dating moves online! x

  2. 01/06/2021 / 17:00

    Thank you for sharing, I think it is such a great insight as using dating apps can seem so scary/intimidating sometimes, and if you’re new to it it can be a tricky place to know what to look out for x

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      08/06/2021 / 20:08

      I’m quite new to it all still! Sorry to hear you’ve had some weirdos, eek! X

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