Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Hi, I’m Niamh and I’m a 23 year old virgin. That’s it. That’s the post. I have not had sex. If you would’ve told me a year ago I would be writing a post about this topic, I would’ve cringed. 2021 is the year where I’m going to be more open in reality and on the blog too. Life’s too short to be afraid to talk about things that are around us in everyday life. I’m loving the ‘new and improved Niamh’. I was chatting to my friends last week about how I should be more open and honest on my site as it helps people.

It’s always nice to know you’ve helped someone or know someone who is going through something similar. I’ve been way more open with my friends, so why not on here too? Last week I wrote about how I’m not eager to get into a new relationship, mainly due to lockdown and to be perfectly honest – I don’t want one at the moment. I’m loving being single, but enough about that – you can read it here, you might want to give it a glance before reading further as it will give a little context to things mentioned.

Define ‘serious’ relationship

I was in a relationship with someone I trusted and considered a best friend…but I know now nothing was meant to happen in that time. We were more like best friends with some benefits, in the form of a relationship, so I honestly didn’t feel comfortable doing anything that could possibly be awkward if we broke up – which obviously we did. I mean we didn’t live on our own so it was always a bit awkward. Writing these posts has allowed me to reflect on what my first relationship actually was and to be honest, it was just two friends who thought they had feelings for each other but faded with time, like I mentioned earlier.

I Know Now It’s Not Embarrassing

Here’s the funny thing, I always thought by the time I was 25 at least I would be in a happy relationship, in our own house and ready for anything, but realistically my life was and still is far from that. I mean I have just under two years left for that to happen but my mindset has changed. I’m gonna be honest – I don’t know how to ‘approach’ that situation. I know it’s not going to be like the movies, nothing ever is let’s be honest here.

I used to be really embarrassed when people found out I hadn’t had sex yet but I know it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’m not waiting for the ‘right person’, I’m waiting for the right time if that makes sense. It will happen when it happens, but for now I will just continue my cross stitching because lockdown has turned me into a Grandma once again.

Don’t Keep Telling Me I’m Missing Out

MULTIPLE people – including friends – keep telling me I’m ‘missing out’, but how do I know what I’m actually missing out on? I’ve got ZERO experience in that field. I’ll be honest – yes I did feel out of the loop in school and college when people were talking about their body counts. But when you’re in school it’s different. When I was in school and college, even in uni, it was seen as an ‘achievement’ to sleep with a few people before you were 18. And there was little old me. Failing her science GCSEs and putting drama exams before everything else – not a care in the world about sex.

Through College and University…

I didn’t really think anything of it until my last year of college / first year of university. University was a big change for me. I was exposed to quite a bit more freedom than I was used to. Yes, I still lived at home. I felt I could do a bit more than just sit in my bedroom and watch crappy films. Which is a summary of my first year and a half of university until I started my relationship. Even when I started my relationship, I was (and still am) very private about sex. I guess I was scared, it’s a scary thing to someone who doesn’t know what to expect. We didn’t really talk about anything of that nature or about sex really. I was lucky if I got a hug off him. I just settled for not doing anything, eek.

Future Plans

At the moment, I have no plans to go out into the world and ‘sell’ myself to anyone. Even though I’m evolving as an individual, I’m not ready for that just yet. The right person will come along at the right time, and I’m not just talking about sex here. I still find it really awkward to talk about. You can imagine how I’m feeling putting this post out there. This is just the start of something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m sorry if you have Salt – N – Pepa in your head from the title of this post. I felt it was very fitting. I usually struggle with titles for my posts. They always change at least three times before I publish them but this one was just meant for this post.

I hope this post helps my audience in some way to be more confident and embrace themselves. There’s no need to be embarrassed about what society tells us is normal. Or what we should have done by now. That’s why when I was younger I was somewhat worried. I was lagging ‘behind’ but I know now I’m perfect the way I am. Ready for whatever the future wants to throw at me.

With love,

Niamh x

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30 Comments

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      22/02/2021 / 8:23 pm

      Thank you! That’s the plan! X

  1. 22/02/2021 / 9:27 pm

    Think you should be proud of this post! Think it’s really inspirational!

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 5:07 pm

      Thank you chick! X

  2. 23/02/2021 / 11:55 am

    This is so inspiring and feels so genuine. It’s so important to be confident and own it. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing that part of your life!

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 5:07 pm

      Thank you for reading and your kind words! X

  3. 23/02/2021 / 12:07 pm

    i found this really inspiring! i always used to feel the same in school when everyone was talking about it and felt like i was the one missing out, but as you said you don’t have experience on it, so it’s just normal and i have the same opinion now. thank you so much for sharing x

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 5:07 pm

      Thank you for reading! Yeah, school is a dangerous place for young teens who are coming of age. Thank you for your kind words! X

  4. 23/02/2021 / 12:33 pm

    Cheers! I’m a 24-year-old virgin, I’m gay, and I’ve dated some good guys. I’ve actually had a really amazing boyfriend for a few months, but we haven’t quite had sex yet. Gotta take things slowly, be patient, and focus on the important things in life, right!? We support you! Keep being awesome and don’t let society pressure you into doing things (like sex) if you’re not ready! Nice post <3 <3 <3

    • 23/02/2021 / 12:34 pm

      The gay guy world is very very pro-sex, so that what’s why I mentioned sexuality and all haha (because as a gay I feel even more pressured to do it, so I relate to you!)

      • Niamh Darby
        Author
        23/02/2021 / 5:06 pm

        Ah thank you for reading! My best friend is gay so I understand your comments! Thank you for your kind words too! X

      • 24/02/2021 / 4:22 am

        Lol it’s a struggle! But we’ll survive hehe. Cheers!!! 🎉😘🏳️‍🌈💋🤠

  5. 23/02/2021 / 4:04 pm

    So proud of you for sharing your story. I’m sure there are plenty of people who can relate to this. Honestly, the idea of body count & having a number is so ridiculous. hook up culture, which may seem fun isn’t the end all be all. you need to be happy within yourself and the right person will show up. i think the biggest achievement is meeting the right person & loving yourself.

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 4:18 pm

      Thank you! I was so nervous to post it but loads of people are all in the same boat as me! Thank you for your lovely comment Xxx

  6. 23/02/2021 / 5:30 pm

    I love this post. I admit, I had no idea what to expect going into this, but I love that you’ve made this such a positive thing. You are not the only one who has felt this way, and I think your words will encourage others to put less pressure on themselves. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 5:34 pm

      Thank you – I was so nervous to post it because I didn’t know how people would take it but the reaction has been amazing! Thank you for reading! X

  7. 23/02/2021 / 6:14 pm

    This post is something you should be so proud of writing, good on you for being so honest, there are plenty of people who can definitely relate to this! x

    Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      23/02/2021 / 6:22 pm

      Thank you! X

  8. 23/02/2021 / 7:58 pm

    You should be very proud, well done for being open and honest. You will help someone else!

  9. 24/02/2021 / 12:51 am

    Good for you! Living your life the way that you want to is a great liberation and you should be proud of that!

  10. 24/02/2021 / 5:10 pm

    Love how honest this is! And I think it’s totally ok to take however long you need to for anything in life! It’s the 21st century, you don’t need to have had sex by a certain age, be married by this age or have kids while you’re young! And I love that you’re owning it!

    Katie | katieemmabeauty.com

  11. Shyla Elza
    26/02/2021 / 3:31 pm

    Everyone lives their life the way they wish. You never have to meet a standard or follow the crowd, but I am sure you know that. If fate destines you to be with someone whether it is sooner or later you will! Love the honesty and transparency you give in this post. It takes a lot of bravery to tell your personal story.

  12. 28/02/2021 / 12:24 pm

    Never knew that this is what I needed to read! I’m in the same boat as you – I’m also 23 and still a virgin. I never had a relationship or first kiss either. Genuinely can’t believe that I’m commenting this in public on someone else’s blog, because I’ve always been very private about this, as I feel ashamed. But you’re right: everybody does life at their own pace and that’s how it should be. I shouldn’t listen to what my surroundings say. I don’t just want my first time to be rushed into it, because I feel it’s what society wants from me. I want it to be on my terms and in a moment that it feels right. Thank you for sharing this, feels good to know that I’m not alone!

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      28/02/2021 / 12:35 pm

      Ah yes! Embrace it like me! Go at your own pace, don’t be changed by social standards! Thank you for reading! X

  13. 02/03/2021 / 6:19 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing lovely. Honestly loooove reading your posts – such a fan! Everyone has different timelines – I have friends who didn’t have sex until a bit later in life, then I have other friends who have had sex but no relationships and then others who are just not rally interested in any of it! YOU DO YOU! xo

    • Niamh Darby
      Author
      02/03/2021 / 6:35 pm

      Thank you so much! Xx

  14. 05/03/2021 / 10:37 am

    What a great post! We all live on our own timelines and everything happens exactly as it is meant to. The most important thing is that you feel happy and fulfilled with whatever you are doing in life. Thank you for sharing xx

  15. 28/03/2021 / 12:20 am

    I absolutely support you!

    I gave in at 21. One of many mistakes I made. It truly wasn’t worth it.

  16. 23/04/2021 / 3:53 pm

    Be proud. Thanks for posting this 👍🏻

  17. 23/05/2021 / 6:11 pm

    Wow. Such an honest article. Thank you for putting this out there and for being so open. I stand with you. It is your choice and no one should ever judge you for that.

    Hi, I am Ragazza Triste, you can also check my blog page, maybe we can be friends and learn from each other. Have a good day! 🙂

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