Why I’m Not Actively Looking For a Relationship

selfie of Niamh at golden hour

I saw a post on Instagram earlier this week. It just said ‘there is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you’. I couldn’t relate to anything more. It got me thinking about how I’m not really wanting to be in a relationship at the moment. A complete reversal of last year.

For this post’s featured image, I’ve used a photo which I really love. It’s just a make up free, messy haired natural version of me.

I Know I’m Not Alone

It’s funny how this time last year I was getting really excited for going out for a nice meal. At my fave restaurant with someone who I thought I was going to be with for a while longer. This year I’m in lockdown, single but equally as happy, because I am finally content with myself. I think my friends and family can see that as well. I’m miles more confident and actually enjoying being single.

I don’t know why I was so afraid, if that’s the right word, to be on my own again. Having the world’s most supportive friends has really helped. Let’s be honest – I am much healthier now I’m not going out all the time. I wasn’t overly happy with my appearance. My clothes were feeling a bit tighter than they were before when I first bought them. I just wasn’t Niamh towards the end. I was putting the wrong person first but at the time I didn’t see that.

Three Things A Gal ACTUALLY Needs

Friends. Gin. Family. Simple. I love the fact I don’t feel under pressure to tell someone else my plans. Apart from my parents, of course. Before I would feel kind of guilty that I was going out with Marty, just us two but now I would give ANYTHING to drink gin and eat pizza gossiping about how good looking Tom Holland is with my favourite. Literally anything. I guess it’s a sign of a weird relationship when you feel guilty for doing things separately – but turns out I was the only one who felt that way. Eek.

I wrote this post just before Valentine’s Day and I spent it having a pig out day with the parents, watching crap TV and eating all those goodies we bought for Christmas that are slowly going down. You should see the amount of tortilla trees we have in the spare room, I’ve suggested making nachos with lashings of cheese, ooh. Now I want nachos, waah. Anyway, off topic there Niamh. I’d much rather celebrate Palentine’s Day this year but BoJo still has the country on lockdown and my best pal is MILES away. I also want to say a quick thank you to everyone who messaged me and wished me a happy Valentine’s Day, it really did make my day. I didn’t realise how weird I would feel on the actual day but those messages and the little gifts from Grandma and the parents worked a treat.

I’m Very Lucky

I’m a very lucky woman in many ways but I got really lucky with my family. We’re the kind of family who is there for someone immediately, drops everything and makes that person their top priority. Even in a pandemic when I was first single, telling Grandma who lives not far from Marty now, we couldn’t meet obviously but we would call every other day and just natter about what TV we were watching and how we were feeling. It felt weird. I am so used to getting hugs from Grandma whenever I got sad news but when Boris lets us I’m running to you Grandma and giving you the biggest hug. And thank you for always sending me a card on Valentine’s Day, just to ‘keep people on their feet’, I love it and I love you very much.

Perfectly Imperfect

Being single has given me a chance to work on myself and what I actually want to do with my career. I know I want to blog a lot more often than I am now and I know I want to progress in my current job, I feel like I can now it’s just me and I have no life changing plans that could get in the way like moving out. I will soon, in due course, don’t worry parents. This might come across the wrong way but I love not having to worry about someone else. If I want to do something, I can.

Keeping Up Appearances

I have always felt a bit insecure about the way I look but I now know I am perfectly imperfect. We all have a different definition of perfect and I feel like I have found mine now. Before I was single I wouldn’t really take any pride in my appearance, especially with my hair or face. The amount of times I left the house without make up for work was untrue but as soon as I started my job now I put in a bit more effort. For me. No one else. I’ve learnt if you feel good, it will come across in your attitude. Now, I’m not saying you need to be dolled up to the nines to be perfect, just for me I like to make a little effort.

I used to hate having my hair straight because I didn’t feel like me and I knew everyone would be looking at me weirdly. It was a massive change but now I love having it straight. Plus I look identical to my Mam so that’s just a bonus. Especially in lockdown, it’s nice to make an effort but it does take me about an hour to do it as my natural curls fight back, oops! One thing that did tick me over the edge in my relationship was the fact I straightened my hair ONCE, it was like I was a model, he acted different – it really made me feel awful about my natural appearance. I’ve learned I don’t need that energy in my life. Don’t let idiots ruin your day.

Dating Apps

I was a bit put off by talking about this sort of subject on the blog all the time as I don’t want to say too much but I’ve received so many messages of support and encouragement to write about this topic so this is just the start. Although I do have some horror stories I’ve heard from previously using Tinder and all the others. I don’t really like using these types of apps, there’s something about them that’s very awkward.

I know plenty of my friends have them, it’s always funny when you come across them on there. I’ve got it in my mindset that the right person will come along soon enough. Until then I will just have to endure Alice and Chris trying to set me up with customers at work, oh dear. Wish me luck for when we go back!

Niamh x



  1. 15/02/2021 / 17:26

    I’m so glad you’re enjoying being single! It sounds like you have a great support network around you and that’s the most important thing for me. Loved reading your post, so insightful and thoughtful!

    • Niamh Darby
      15/02/2021 / 17:28

      Ah thank you! I’ve decided to go in a new direction with my blog and see where it goes! X

  2. 15/02/2021 / 17:29

    I really enjoyed this post and am in a somewhat similar position to you and I was really shocked yesterday at the amount of people who were absolutely dreading valentines day and were so bitter about being alone. I think being single for at least some of your twenties is important because you become okay with being along and feel more self-assured and content. Thanks for sharing.

    • Niamh Darby
      15/02/2021 / 17:31

      Exactly – embrace the single life! I did feel a bit down on V Day for a while but I just found ways to perk myself up again! Thank you for reading! X

  3. 15/02/2021 / 21:57

    I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying the single life! Valentine’s Day can be sad, but only if you let it be. There are tons of ways to celebrate you, even alone in lockdown. And I’ve tried hard to always remind myself that I’m not the first person to ever be alone on Valentine’s Day- if others can make it a good day then so can I!

  4. 16/02/2021 / 09:29

    I enjoyed reading this. I truly agree with all that you have to say about being single. It gives me a sense of freedom and empowerment that I’ve never had while in a relationship. Ample of time and energy to work on oneself. It’s a beautiful life. Lovely post!

  5. 16/02/2021 / 14:26

    I’m so sorry to hear that previous relationships felt you had to straighten your hair or change your outlook! But I’m so pleased to hear that you’re comfortable in your own skin now! And a positive and supportive relationship will find you when you least expect it!

    Katie | katieemmabeauty.com

  6. 16/02/2021 / 18:57

    i love how empowered you feel being single. enjoy it! you will find the right person when you least expect it. that’s what happened to me. i completely gave up on dating and then this person appeared in my life. haha.

    • Niamh Darby
      16/02/2021 / 18:57

      I love it! I feel like that will happen with me – good things take time! X

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